march on..

tomorrow it’s gonna be April. oh how fast time flies. too many things happened that went undocumented for March. it seems that i am now the one trying to catch up with my own life. haha. funny isn’t it?

when you focus all your attention on a circumstance, it’ll eat you up and you’ll forget that you still have your whole world to attend to. one should not be too serious with life and living it. once you get so determined and focused to perfecting an aspect of it, the more vulnerable you will be to pain and failures. i am not saying that one should just breeze though life that easy but there are the words balance, priority, and prayer.

i am thankful for the not-so-good moments that happened this month (the INC for a major subj + disappointments [myself and others] ) because in the end, i realized that they all have the same purpose and that’s for my own good – for me to learn. everything worked for my maturity. the pains of growing up.. every little step is making me stronger..

things change. people change. time makes it possible. the conspiracy of time, God, and every decision a man does makes change possible. and not all the time change will be for your happiness. but also it will not all the time for your disappointment. but change will always be for the better. one should just look on another angle.

i’m happy now. not elated but happy and contented. i made a lot of mistakes, cried, laughed, and cried again but i realized that “hey, how many times do i have to tell you that this is life!? all of these define life! it’s normal ’cause you’re living!”

– darksphere

flood

there’s so many things that i want to write about right now. so many thoughts are flooding my brain!

i want to write about the time that i really felt betrayed by someone. duh. it was not his fault. it was my fault that i expected more from a stranger.

i want to write about how excited i am for my OJT this summer. but since up until now i still haven’t decided where i will have my OJT, i am worried too. should i choose being away from home for almost two months and get out of my comfort zone, or should i just settle for security and refuse to take the risk?

i want to write about how excited i am for my father’s arrival. there’s so many things that i want to tell him. i miss him so much. i just realized that half of my life, he’s not with me. i’m 19 now and he left to work abroad when i was 10. growing up without him is really hard.

i also want to write about how i enjoyed our “haircut day” with my friends. i missed spending time with the five of them. i mean we hang out everyday but it was only now that the six of us are present. haha. because of busy schedules and other priorities, we seldom find time to catch up and it really sucks because being the oversensitive person that i am, i sometimes feel that they’re drifting away. hehe. but i am happy that nothing has changed in the friendship that we built.

the thoughts are gushing back and forth so fast.. faster than my typing skills… and my eyes are slowly getting sleepy.. so maybe i’ll just confide these to my ever loyal and loving confidante who never gets tired of my inconsistency. i miss talking to him.

– darksphere

my birthday

i’m now on my last “teen” year. haha.

a quote from my dad,

Age is just a matter of number. And to think that number is not a matter, we can conclude that age does not matter.

hahahaha joker kaayo akong papa.

i’ve been alive for 19 years! i’ve revolved around the sun 19 times already! even though the things i wished to happen for my birthday did not come true, i’m still happy to have been alive this long. even though my life, i think, had more bumps than smooth rides, i’m glad that i passed through them all. it doesn’t matter how many times you fall, what matters is how much lessons you learned through those failures and how you picked yourself up and tried again. that’s life – you cry, you laugh but what really matters is that you loved and became happy.

on the 6th, it rained really hard. i thought it wasn’t gonna stop. at first, i was so happy watching every drop forcefully hit the ground and make the happiest sound i heard that day (except from the greetings of course). but as hours went by, i realized that i was waiting for nothing. haha. classes were suspended because there’s power outage. and the people i thought i’d meet that time were stranded in their houses. at least i had fun watching people get wet as i sit down on the cold bench near the ATM booth slightly wet. then the rain stopped. i went to see some classmates and friends and suddenly tears fell. haha. i don’t even know what was the exact reason they went down my cheeks. mixed emotions? they said they understand that my reasons is to deep for them to fathom . i couldn’t stop them from falling. i was thinking about my wish. i know it was impossible but i tried wishing for it. basin diay magbuhat ug milagro si Lord bahalag kato lang nga day naa sila. i was thinking how come i still think and act like i’m 16 and how i let some things go out of control this past few days.  i was also thinking about my best friends and why they’re not there with me. omg. emo. haha. then i stopped. my friend’s right when he told me that i should have a birthday shield. how stupid i became because of that stupid game/trap i fell into really haunted me. thus, i hated myself and even though i tried so much to forget about it even just for that day, i failed. but moving on, i’m glad that my friends made me smile. and when i came home, my sisters surprised me with a cake. and i even blew a candle. haha nobody’s too old for blowing candles right? but i was so excited to take a picture and was so overwhelmed with the surprise that i forgot to wish. hahaha. maybe that was the gist of it ei? it’s not always about my wish. then the next morning i had the best breakfast of my 2009. ice cream on a rainy morning feels so good.

when we wish, we always expect that it would come true. haha. right? because we have faith but when it doesn’t happen, we get hurt. so maybe i should wish less and expect less. this is a cruel world. people will fail you. it’s normal. you fail them too. that’s why not all wishes are granted because if all wishes will be granted in this world, this would be heaven.

someday, some wishes will come true diba? haha. but i waiting and anticipating much will keep you from seeing once-in-a-lifetime surprises. so if it’ll come, it’ll come – mao na na akong motto karon.

thanks for the people who became part of my 19 years of existence. in whatever way, you made this life worth living.

and of course, to the one who created me, thank you for not being shocked of my weaknesses and for loving me unconditionally.  i love you Lord.

– darksphere

one weird and freaky soul

okay.. i am supposed to finish all those UML diagrams but i think i need to write these disturbing thoughts.

i met someone really weird. haha. he’s bored, weird, witty, and freaky. that was a lot to digest for our second conversation… a lot. i had fun talking to him. but i can’t really decode his personality. i don’t know.. one time he’ll impress you then seconds after, “oh that’s a major turnoff! ” and what’s interesting is that, he described me as someone that i think is sooooo not me. i mean nobody told me about all those things that he describes me as. he’s a rollercoaster. i hate him one moment [asz in major ewww jud yucky] then the next i change my mind. whatever. he annoys me. he keeps on arguing with me. he pisses me off. and nobody was like that to me ever. haha. he pisses me off in a weird way.

but dang! he’s not what i imagined him to be. that melody won’t fit these lyrics. total opposites. it won’t blend in.

well, let’s see. even though he freaks me out and sometimes scares me, i had fun talking to someone “new.” haha. i mean, someone who’s not from the kind of people i usually hang out with. there’s still a lot to discover about him. and i know sa ako pud. let’s see. when something goes wrong about, say a gadget, it’s not that hard to turn your back from that something especially if you had it for free. right??

maybe i’ll just go back on understanding those things and letting it sink in later. later. now back to the diagrams..

– darksphere

an encounter

so there’s a radio station here that has a Korean segment every night and i got hooked in listening and requesting. gah. i’ve been tuning in every night for two weeks now. but tonight was a different experience.

i hope i can just not talk about it. but i can’t.. it was just.. different.

he did nothing but tease me and piss me off. but i liked that conversation. weird ei? he also said i’m a weirdo.

well maybe i’m a weirdo. it was such an unexpected conversation. i just called up to do my friend a favor but something else happened. i forgot about everything i am supposed to do and spent an hour of my life talking to someone i don’t even know. i enjoyed it. that one-hour encounter was a fraction of my life that i came out of my box. for the first time. this big smile painted in my face right now.. i can’t explain it.

back to reality. i still have lots of school requirements to make.

– darksphere

my Christmas break wasn’t that bad after all

Christmas break is officially OVER. it’s back-to-school time! i thought it was the worst Christmas break ever. but i realized that even though it was the worst Christmas, i had a lot of fun doing the things i can never have time to do during regular classes. even though i, practically just pigged out during the entire 2-weeks-and-a-half break, today as i recall the things i did, i can say that it was not that bad after all. the movies i was able to watch were definitely worth it, and the times i spent with my sisters were just indescribable. i also found time to catch up with my best friends since highschool. i really had fun.

movies i watched/shows i watched [part 1 here]:

• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – by far my favorite film of 2008 and one of the top 3 faves for life
• Miracle in First Street – this movie has so many lessons
• SBS Gayo Fest – the performances were so good [especially DBSK and SJH’s]
• My Only U – super fun Filipino film
• My Big Love – another Filipino film
• We Got Married – i was not able to watch all the episodes since it was my sister who was having a WGM marathon then i saw that she was really enjoying it so i joined her. Now i’m a WGM fan!! this series is so addictive
• Kyle XY, 200 Pounds Beauty, My Tutor Friend, I’m a Cyborg but it’s Okay, My Girl and I, Golden Disk Awards

other things i did :

• a little studying about some things that are not really that important but made me really curious
• a little cooking for the Media Noche[new year’s eve] which basically was a failure. hahaha.
• organized some files/had some pc-kuri-kuri [LOL]
• danced all night with my sisters during new year’s eve [i think i was out of myself that night haha]
• went out with bestfriends
• ate, ate, ate, and slept
• and ate.. hahaha

the reason why i posted this is that  whenever i recall those moments, there’s a light feeling[along with a sense of accomplishment] in me and it makes me smile. even though i did not have the best Christmas, i had a marvelous New Year and a very fun-filled Christmas break. and dang! it’s school time again.. hahaha. whenever school stuff starts to bug me, i will read this and remember those days and look forward to having more fun-filled breaks again. 🙂

-darksphere

back to school tomorrow + new year’s resolutions!

gah. and i hate it. i have to study two chapters over the break ’cause we’re having a written and oral exam tomorrow. but! haha up to now i still haven’t finished the first chapter. how sad. how lazy of me. but this happens to me after long periods of no classes. haha. maybe i’ll get back to focus after this week.

i finally had a list of new year’s resolutions. i really wish i can keep ’em. some are skeptical about new year’s resolutions. why wait for the new year to start anew? well, wouldn’t it be nice to start the year with good deeds? and i think it’s just timely that after a long Christmas break/vacation spent having parties, pigging out, having movie marathons, we’ll meet the new year by starting a change – a fresh new start for another 365 days to follow. it’s not that we cannot renew ourselves some time in the middle of the year though. you can always do whatever you want. you may or may not keep your new year’s resolutions. you may or may not make one either. life is all about choices after all.

anyways.. i really hope and pray that i can keep my new year’s resolutions! i can do it! aja![i’m still thinking if i’ll post my new year’s resolutions list]

ok… i think i should start studying now. ugh. i hate 7:30 am classes!

-darksphere

super junior in my heart

i watched Super Show again. it’s really amazing. super junior is the best. i will never grow tired of following their journey until the the sapphire blue pearl balloons is scattered all over the planet. i can watch their videos the whole day and never say it’s too old. i can listen to their songs over and over again and never say that even one song is becoming ordinary because i kept playing it on repeat. yep. maybe that’s how i love them.

this is actually my first blog post about super junior. i promised myself that 2008 would not pass without me posting something about them in this blog.

once upon a time, in my history class, we were teasing our friend because she was becoming crazy over a 13-member Koren boyband who by the way looked gay for me. haha. i loved the melody of the song and the hype of their video Happiness (Haengbok) though. i kept humming the first verse and realized that soon i wanted to download the video from youtube. i never thought that after some time, i will also get addicted.

it started on the summer of this year (2008). the first songs that captured me were Happiness and Miracle. gawsh. the first dance move that i loved was Eeeteuk’s in Miracle (second verse). the pretty boy that first caught my eyes was Donghae but my first love was[and still is] Ryeowook. then.. you already know what happened next… it was like i was struck by an incurable disease. and even if there’s cure, i don’t want to get well. haha.

they debuted in November of 2005. 13 boys who patiently waited for their turn to take the spotlight, persevered, and trained hard in the portals of SM entertainment only had their dreams, determination, and talent as weapons to criticism and fear. as a group of well-rounded entertainers (singers, dancers, actors, models), and as brothers as well, they have gone through a lot in and outside their entertainment lives. and i admire them for their love of what they do and love of their brothers(co-members), family, and fans. three years have passed and i can see they still have that goal to be the best in Korea, Asia and in the whole world.

i may not know them personally, and some might think that i’m too obsessed already, but i have to say that i am so proud for what they have accomplished. this attachment that i have for them, i think, will never break even as i (and Super Junior) grow old. they became part of my life and they are my “uppers” when things go wrong. just as ice cream and dark chocolate as my comfort food.

if i could give them a message, i want to say it personally. haha. someday, i will meet them. i will be one of those fan girls singing Marry U in their Super Show as the 13 of them sit on the stage and listen to us ELFs sing for them. then when i see tears in their eyes because of thankfulness and unbelief of how far they’ve come, for sure i’ll be crying too. just like how i shed tears the first time i saw a clip of that part of Super Show, just like how i cry every time i watch Super Show (in dvd) alone, maybe even more tears will flow when i’m already there in the audience chanting “saranghae” and singing Marry U with the ELFs.

gawsh i hope i can. i’ll look forward to that day. if only they could be a band for the rest of their lives. haha. but they will be Super Junior forever. 🙂

"..until the Sapphire Blue Pearl balloons cover the entire planet.." - Super Junior Leader Eeteuk

hahaha this is the result of Super Show. i’m sorry oppas i couldn’t buy the original dvd yet since i don’t have enough money. i know it’s illegal. sorry.  i’m lucky because there are many nice ELFs that uploaded some clips for us to download. someday, when i’ll have money of my own i will buy original ones and that’s for sure. but i believe that more than the revenues that fans can give, it’s their unending moral support that matters most.

to Eeteuk, Ryeowook, Shindong, Sungmin, Heechul, Donghae, Kyuhyun, Kangin, Yesung, Siwon, Hankyung, Kibum and Eunhyuk.. continue to follow your dreams! i will never get tired of being a fan.

wooooot. it’s as if they can read this. haha. i wish. i wish… ok enough now. hahaha. i just got carried away(again) with the Marry U and Believe part of Super Show.

Super Junior Hwaiting!

-darksphere