It’s Been One Year

Well, i’m weeks late. haha. I just noticed yesterday that this blog is already One Year Old. weee! and i also noticed that i only missed a post for July.. the rest of the months, i wrote 1 or 2 posts. I’m happy that somehow i got consistent and made this blog alive. hahaha!

i don’t know if there are people who read this except me and my friends maybe(rarely.. when i link them here siguro. hahaha!).  but it doesn’t really matter to me because i decided to put up this blog for me to practice writing and as an outlet for the emotional and sentimental soul in me.

as i browse through the archives i realized i always wrote lengthy blog posts. hahaha! and 95 percent of them are really sentimental. haha

soo..now i’m running out of words and thoughts about what to write anymore..  i’m just glad and proud that this blog is already one year old. ^___^

i hope i can write more happy posts and more about life and travel.. next year, i’ll be graduating(hopefully..) so i hope i can start travelling and exploring beautiful places and share my beautiful memories here..

and i hope, i can bring more life to this blog.. hahaha! since i noticed that because of the lengthy posts, my page looks boring..

i also hope i can write more in my “about me” section..

hmmm.. what else…?

as of now, i’m focused on writing more posts in my other blog because i want to make profit out of it. hahaha! so drop by if you want to..

well, if there is anyone who follows this blog, thank you! ^^ and to my blogger friends who shared some comments and their thoughts with me through this blog for the past year, thank you. hahaha!

and to you who is reading this right now, thank you! whatever brought you here, thank you. ^_____^

happy birthday to my blog! 🙂

 

– darksphere

of love and the one

do you believe in destiny? do you believe that someday, somewhere, there’s someone that you are meant to be with for the rest of your life if not forever? these are the questions i often ask those people around me. some said yes, some said destiny is a lie. i often ask myself these questions too. and i’ve always been consistent.. so far. haha! but i wasn’t consistent on the reasons.. on my reactions..

there’s this one show i watched today, it’s a series actually, and i’m following it, it’s about two souls that met during their childhood days and got separated by circumstances [maybe fate]. and met again, they didn’t know that they’ve already met.. they don’t recognize each other anymore. but they’re still waiting for each other, believing that he is the “one” for her and she’s the “one” for him. hmmm.. i just got reminded of how i see matters like that a few weeks back..

what’s the story? i wouldn’t dig into the details. but let’s just say there’s someone that all these years i’ve been considering as “the one” for me. a childish love but i took seriously. a lesson to be learned, but i dwelt at too much. too much that even though i was doing fine, i know the world continued living and there’s one part of me that stopped and was stranded. it was unhealthy. i thought it was the right thing to do because i believe in destiny, in fate, and i believe that everything i was doing with him in mind will eventually lead us back to where we are destined to be. [or what i believed we were destined to be.] hmmm.. in each other’s arms? haha! silly, but yes, that’s what i imagined it to be. that all of these are just tests, and just streets we need to walk through, that in the end, it’s still gonna be us. of all the things that i don’t have confidence in doing, that belief was one of the few ones i was sure of. i continued of living, i moved on, i didn’t feed my broken heart. because deep down in me, was that strong inspiration.

then out of nowhere, in the midst of all the crowd dancing, alcohol pouring, and smoke in the air, i ended up crying and saying his name. that’s when i realized that even though i was okay, i wasn’t in pain, i was hopeful and happily waiting for him, but i was putting myself into a prison that i myself made. a prison built by lies. because i just didn’t want to accept that that’s the end of my story. because i still believed in fairy tales, in Korean love stories, that  i thought i despised. i kept on thinking, why and how it happened, and i found out why – why i am still living in despair, even though i’m so good in hiding it. but i didn’t find out how it happened, and i think it’s going to be harder if i bother tracing.

so from then on, i decided to accept it, that that’s really how it ends and that you should not wait for people, for circumstances, and for time, to put and end to your story. your death or you loved ones death should determine the end of your story. because not all stories end when death comes, and some continue after death, some end before it. why death? because, i thought my life is the also the lifeline of my story. i didn’t understand that my life is my time, and throughout my time, i make my stories, lots of stories – thousands of starts and endings..and it took me a while to realize that. but it was worth it.

some stories may end up happy, some stories don’t. that’s a fact.

i still believe in destiny. i still believe in “the one.” but the difference now is that my story featuring him as “the one” have ended. and it was a happy ending.

i still believe in destiny. i still believe in “the one.” and i’m still open to the possibility the he might still come into my life again. our story has ended. but my life is my time, another story can start.

one really must know when to let go – when to end a story, flip a page, and start again.

so for that drama that i’ve been following, i can’t say that they’re wrong or right because it’s a drama, a show. there are things that only happen in dramas. but if it happens in someone’s life, let’s just say… that’s their story. that’s where choice meets destiny. that’s how they chose their story to be.

i still believe in destiny. i still believe in “the one.”

– darksphere

i’m still that girl.. but i’m trying to be better.

i welcomed the changes though i did not anticipate them. i believe majority of those are for the better. i’m really thankful. i think i evolved into a new person. i feel renewed. i didn’t know but it was all that i needed. rest, some clamors, a little amount of tears and sorrow, and the people and events who shaped my summer. i’m really thankful. the uber-emo person in me has temporarily subsided. i hope she’ll be gone for good. i wish. haha

but some things remain the same. some bad habits take a while to unlearn. and nobody knows when i will be able to get rid of them.

i’m still the klutzy and lazy fangirl who cleans her room to relieve depression whenever ice cream’s unavailable but a bit wiser now.

i’m still afraid of the future but i have a better vision now. at least as of the moment. lol

i miss the Big Guy of my life. i know i’ve really been drifting far from you as every day passes. i’m sad because of that. i still can’t do it alone. i still and will always need you.

-darksphere

it’s over

my summer that is..

Goodbye to the lazy days and hello to notebooks, teachers, and messy schedules again. I’m not excited to go back to school. I don’t want to line up for enrollment and I don’t want to study yet. I’ll be on my Fourth Year now! Wow, I survived three years in IT. Not bad. Though I already have a stained record in my grades for flunking my first major subject, it’s okay.. I learned. [really?] Well anyway, this year is going to be tough. I witnessed how school life was for the people before our batch and I really feared this year to come. More project defenses, plus thesis, plus more defenses. More “overnights” which equates to more pimples and bigger eyebags. Noooooooooo! I don’t want to think about it yet!

To sum up my summer, saying that it was fun is an understatement. No beach and no Davao escapade this year but I enjoyed it. Everything was unplanned. From the company where I had my OJT, to the place I stayed in.

I had my OJT at Concentrix in Cagayan de Oro City. It’s a Call Center that supports Linksys products (routers, network adapters, etc). I was assigned in the Training Department – the somewhat academy where aspiring agents are, well, trained. Initially, there were only three of us OJTs assigned in our department, me, Leia (my classmate), and Rico (an IT student from Bukidnon) but a week later, we were joined by Rodel ( Rico’s classmate) who was transferred from the HR dept.

i realized we never had a picture with the 4 of us together.. this is our last pic on our last day. with sir weeb, our boss.

Our jobs? hmm.. pretty much IT-related like the reports and report updates, and of course troubleshooting computers, formatting and installing softwares. some “etc” duties are the endless photocopying of training handouts [with the very “jamming” photocopier of concentrix. haha.], setting up the things trainers need (devices, PCs, projectors) and in the afternoon, before we go home, fix them and put them back to their cabs. and who can forget the inventory of the almost 400+ devices of the laboratory!! dang! Give us a Linksys device and we can now tell the model number of that in seconds. hahaha!

But the most important part of our OJT was our mini-trainings thanks to our kind trainers. Our greatest advantage having our OJT in Concentrix was that we are exposed to a lot I mean A LOT of networking devices! Thus, in our free time, we can set up wired and wireless networks with the guidance of some trainers and being in the Training Dept, we are also like participating in their trainings.

our IDs for the Fun Day.. grabbed this photo from leia

Parokya ni Edgar. too bad hindi kami nakapapicture with them. again, i grabbed this pic from leia

We also got to attend the Family Fun Day of the company. There were contests, lots of free food, and a mini concert of the company’s bands and Parokya ni Edgar, yes Parokya ni Edgar. And everything was free! And speaking of parties, how lucky of us, many people in our department had their birthday’s on May and April. Almost everyweek we get together in the pantry with lots of food. haha.

the beautiful house where Leia and I stayed.. again, this is from leia. i never had a chance to take a picture of it. i always forget

The place where Leia and I stayed was in one of the most beautiful subdivisions in CDO. The houses there were big, grand, and just amazingly beautiful. Everytime we go hiking around the subdivision, we always get amazed by how nice it is to live there and we forget how tiring and stressful work is. Leia and I stayed at her cousin’s house who comes from a family of politicians. And again, our stay was free. hehe. Great thanks to Leia and her family and of course, the owner of the house, Ate Sana and her family.

i miss the beautiful sunset outside Concentrix after our long work days..

Sad to say, all things must come to an end. After a month and a week, we had to go home and bid our goodbyes to our OJT-mates, our bosses, and friends. On our last day, they prepared a little party for us. Even in the end, we still get lots of free food. haha! Despite the short period of time of OJT, i’m really thankful for the beautiful memories that I have of the whole OJT experience(good and bad). I will never forget this summer.

Were back in our normal lives now and tomorrow is June, which means we’ll be back in our school life. But the memories and the people we met will always be part of our lives. When I look back and think of this summer, I will definitely smile. Thanks for the whole OJT experience, esp. my travelmate, friend, officemate, and roommate, Leia, and of course, my financer, haha without whom I can’t go back and fort CDO and have my feeling-rich days, my dad!

Finally, Visual Studio has finished installing, now, I’ll get back to coding and preparing for a very late defense tomorrow. Back to reality and goodbye to my feeling-rich and fairy-tale-ish summer. 🙂 🙂

-darksphere

mama.. nanay..

recently, i found it really touching when my OJT-mate told us to he needs to go home(and miss our planned gimik) over the weekend because it’s mother’s day. he could have gone home last weekend since friday was a holiday so he’ll have a long break but he chose to go home this weekend because it’s mother’s day and he’ll be spending it with his family. i was envious.

it’s been six years since she left us. the feeling of emptiness and despair is indescribable especially when you need someone to turn to that you know knows you better than your friends. i miss her so much.

highschool graduation. first boyfriend. proms. college. birthdays. christmases. summers. she missed those events of my life. but i know through it all, she never left me. i can’t feel her presence physically but whenever i feel weak there’s someone who lifts me up and inspires me to go on. when i feel happy i know someone’s smiling over me. she’s watching over my little steps towards maturity.. towards the future that everyday i wish i could spend with her..

when i think about my childhood, i laugh then cry. my biggest regret was not spending 13 years of my life not doing the best that i could to make her the happiest woman on Earth. when i think about what she’s been through and all she did for us, i drown in tears. her life is the most dramatic Maalaala Mo Kaya episode.

thank you for bringing me into this world.
thank you for making our home the best place i could ever imagine to spend my childhood and the rest of my life.
thank you for your pangarals, for yelling and hurting me sometimes. you’re right. it’s for my own good.
thank you for always reminding me to choose the right friends.
thank you for telling me that family comes frist always.
thank you for not leaving me on my first day of school in highschool.
thank you for being super-protective yet supportive in everything i do.
thank you for not coming with me during contests in grade school. you know very well that i can’t concentrate when you’re watching.
thank you for always telling me to love my siblings.
thank you for not giving up on me.
thank you for teaching me about family, love, and life.
thank you for sharing 13 years of your life with me. thank you for living 43 years in this planet.
thank you for being tatay’s wife.
thank you for being our mom.

nobody can ever take your place. the best mother for me, cielo, angel, ate, and kuya mark.
i miss you so much nay. i love you. happy mother’s day.

and to all moms, happy mother’s day. you are the most important woman in every person’s life.

sa mga anak, kung may nanay pa kayo, show her you love her every single moment of your lives. sa mga wala nang nanay, don’t worry, we’ll get to embrace our moms again. someday.. when this life is over.

-darksphere

plans.. ojt.. summer vacation..

okay. i’m having a hard time thinking about what would be a good title. i’m too lazy to think of anything striking. this post will just contain updates anyway.

our house is a home again. well not really. since we will never be complete again. but almost. okay. almost. the only thing that i always look forward to during summer breaks – my father’s arrival. i realized that almost half of my life he’s not with me. we only get to spend time with each other once a year, when he goes on vacation for a month. so many things have happened when he was away. well everything has a reason. i want to tell him everything that i learned, everything that happened during his absence but time is so short [and also, i have a failing memory. lol] and hours fly faster when you’re with someone you really want to catch your lives up with. if i’m to decide, i’d really want him to stop working away from us. i’ve always dreamed of waking up and seeing him drinking his coffee on our balcony and telling me to hurry as i step out of my room so i won’t be late for school. if only life is a bit easier. he made a lot of sacrifices and it hurts a lot whenever i think of how undeserving i am. anyway, enough of the drama. i’m really happy that he’s back. i really hope that everyday will always be like this.  but as i said, time is so short.. and i’ll only be with him in a much shorter time than my sisters because of my OJT. it sucks. maybe this is why i am not that excited for my month-long OJT.

i’ll be leaving this Sunday for my OJT. ah murag asa padung. haha. i’ll have my internship in Cagayan de Oro City. just a two-hour ride from my place but it would be expensive and tiring to go home everyday so i’ll be staying there. i’m still thinking if i should bring my laptop. it would also be good if i don’t so i’ll have a break from my internet addictions. bye-bye suju? haha. but i know i can count on my sister to update me and download perfs for me. hahaha. anyway i still haven’t decided if i would bring it or not. so i might be away from the blogging world.. or not.. haha. and as if my presence is felt by my very occasional posts.  niwei, back to the OJT thingy, this was not what i really planned. i thought i would be in Cebu for that 250-hour training but things didn’t go the way i first planned it.. i got accepted in a Call Center in CDO and i had INC for a subject so i had to stay closest to the school because i thought we could still defend the project on the first week of April but that didn’t happen. as i’m writing, i realized that all the things i planned were just an abandoned blue print now! i even had to ask the HR manager to start on the 3rd week of April so that i’ll have a chance to complete my grade. but everything’s not where they’re supposed to be.  my plan’s messed up. but i don’t really feel bad about it. i always plan and plan but different things happen. haha! talk about immunity. i don’t feel bad because i also enjoyed the last two weeks with my family.

my dad asked me this morning if i’m excited to work. but i answered, “i’m excited to live by my own in another city.” yeahp. independence. adventure. i am actually excited to find out how will my life go outside my hometown, outside our house. although i wished it would be farther, okay na ang CDO.  i still haven’t packed my bags yet. i still don’t know what things to bring. you may say, “such a pity. it’s already OJT and she still wants to cram packing her things.”  hahaha. but this is really how i am when travelling. i only pack my things an evening before the trip and so far, i can’t remember forgetting my wallet or cellphone or towel.  do i sound defensive? 😉

speaking of trips and travelling, this will be my family’s first summer vacation in Davao without me. it’s so sad that i can’t go with them. i miss Davao so much and my relatives. they can’t move the trip because there are also other appointments that they might need to re-schedule if they’ll do that. so sad. but i hope to have an out-of-town trip after my OJT. i still haven’t planned the itinerary since i’m still depending on how much money i can save this summer. i really hope this will push through. please God.. help me. hehe

hmmm.. so what else? i really miss a lot of people. i am happy that i have already accepted that some of the people we treasure change although i am still adjusting to it. i hope this trip/vacation/adventure/OJT will help me become a better IT student and a better person.

-darksphere

march on..

tomorrow it’s gonna be April. oh how fast time flies. too many things happened that went undocumented for March. it seems that i am now the one trying to catch up with my own life. haha. funny isn’t it?

when you focus all your attention on a circumstance, it’ll eat you up and you’ll forget that you still have your whole world to attend to. one should not be too serious with life and living it. once you get so determined and focused to perfecting an aspect of it, the more vulnerable you will be to pain and failures. i am not saying that one should just breeze though life that easy but there are the words balance, priority, and prayer.

i am thankful for the not-so-good moments that happened this month (the INC for a major subj + disappointments [myself and others] ) because in the end, i realized that they all have the same purpose and that’s for my own good – for me to learn. everything worked for my maturity. the pains of growing up.. every little step is making me stronger..

things change. people change. time makes it possible. the conspiracy of time, God, and every decision a man does makes change possible. and not all the time change will be for your happiness. but also it will not all the time for your disappointment. but change will always be for the better. one should just look on another angle.

i’m happy now. not elated but happy and contented. i made a lot of mistakes, cried, laughed, and cried again but i realized that “hey, how many times do i have to tell you that this is life!? all of these define life! it’s normal ’cause you’re living!”

– darksphere

an award

wooooot! i haven’t posted for a while. it’s because i’m really busy with school requirements and other matters [haha to be discussed on the next post].

i received an award from a former classmate.. thanks daj!

when i opened this wordpress account, i thought i should make this a money-generating blog. haha. yes. but i ended up making it a personal blog. another blog to put in my list of personal blogs. i actually have a long list since i always forget my account names and passwords so i always open a new one everytime i feel like writing. hahaha. it was not my intention to let my close friends or those who know me personally, to know about this since i know that there will come a time that they will become one of the subjects of a post or two. but then i thought it could be a nice way for them to know  the things that i really want them to know but i can’t say so i shared the link.

i found new friends through this blog. weeee! and i’m so thankful for the comments i receive.. it’s always nice to hear other people’s perspectives on the topics i’m ranting about and the advices some readers give.

tenen! so now it’s my turn.. i am awarding the following bloggers the uber amazing blog award!

1. Procne
2. Leia
3. Monick
4. Ate Eden
5. Ate Cher
6. Gik
7. Sir Cyrus

Uber (synonym to Super) Amazing Blog Award is a blog award given to sites who:

~ inspires you

~ makes you smile and laugh

~ or maybe gives amazing information

~ a great read

~ has an amazing design

~ and any other reasons you can think of that makes them uber amazing!

The rules of this award are:

* Copy the badge and put the logo on your blog sidebar or post.

* Nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more) that for you are Uber Amazing!

* Let them know that they have received this Uber Amazing award by commenting on their blog.

* Share the love and link to this this post and to the person you rceceived your award from.

* Come back and comment here so that your link could be added to the masterlist of awardees

flood

there’s so many things that i want to write about right now. so many thoughts are flooding my brain!

i want to write about the time that i really felt betrayed by someone. duh. it was not his fault. it was my fault that i expected more from a stranger.

i want to write about how excited i am for my OJT this summer. but since up until now i still haven’t decided where i will have my OJT, i am worried too. should i choose being away from home for almost two months and get out of my comfort zone, or should i just settle for security and refuse to take the risk?

i want to write about how excited i am for my father’s arrival. there’s so many things that i want to tell him. i miss him so much. i just realized that half of my life, he’s not with me. i’m 19 now and he left to work abroad when i was 10. growing up without him is really hard.

i also want to write about how i enjoyed our “haircut day” with my friends. i missed spending time with the five of them. i mean we hang out everyday but it was only now that the six of us are present. haha. because of busy schedules and other priorities, we seldom find time to catch up and it really sucks because being the oversensitive person that i am, i sometimes feel that they’re drifting away. hehe. but i am happy that nothing has changed in the friendship that we built.

the thoughts are gushing back and forth so fast.. faster than my typing skills… and my eyes are slowly getting sleepy.. so maybe i’ll just confide these to my ever loyal and loving confidante who never gets tired of my inconsistency. i miss talking to him.

– darksphere

my birthday

i’m now on my last “teen” year. haha.

a quote from my dad,

Age is just a matter of number. And to think that number is not a matter, we can conclude that age does not matter.

hahahaha joker kaayo akong papa.

i’ve been alive for 19 years! i’ve revolved around the sun 19 times already! even though the things i wished to happen for my birthday did not come true, i’m still happy to have been alive this long. even though my life, i think, had more bumps than smooth rides, i’m glad that i passed through them all. it doesn’t matter how many times you fall, what matters is how much lessons you learned through those failures and how you picked yourself up and tried again. that’s life – you cry, you laugh but what really matters is that you loved and became happy.

on the 6th, it rained really hard. i thought it wasn’t gonna stop. at first, i was so happy watching every drop forcefully hit the ground and make the happiest sound i heard that day (except from the greetings of course). but as hours went by, i realized that i was waiting for nothing. haha. classes were suspended because there’s power outage. and the people i thought i’d meet that time were stranded in their houses. at least i had fun watching people get wet as i sit down on the cold bench near the ATM booth slightly wet. then the rain stopped. i went to see some classmates and friends and suddenly tears fell. haha. i don’t even know what was the exact reason they went down my cheeks. mixed emotions? they said they understand that my reasons is to deep for them to fathom . i couldn’t stop them from falling. i was thinking about my wish. i know it was impossible but i tried wishing for it. basin diay magbuhat ug milagro si Lord bahalag kato lang nga day naa sila. i was thinking how come i still think and act like i’m 16 and how i let some things go out of control this past few days.  i was also thinking about my best friends and why they’re not there with me. omg. emo. haha. then i stopped. my friend’s right when he told me that i should have a birthday shield. how stupid i became because of that stupid game/trap i fell into really haunted me. thus, i hated myself and even though i tried so much to forget about it even just for that day, i failed. but moving on, i’m glad that my friends made me smile. and when i came home, my sisters surprised me with a cake. and i even blew a candle. haha nobody’s too old for blowing candles right? but i was so excited to take a picture and was so overwhelmed with the surprise that i forgot to wish. hahaha. maybe that was the gist of it ei? it’s not always about my wish. then the next morning i had the best breakfast of my 2009. ice cream on a rainy morning feels so good.

when we wish, we always expect that it would come true. haha. right? because we have faith but when it doesn’t happen, we get hurt. so maybe i should wish less and expect less. this is a cruel world. people will fail you. it’s normal. you fail them too. that’s why not all wishes are granted because if all wishes will be granted in this world, this would be heaven.

someday, some wishes will come true diba? haha. but i waiting and anticipating much will keep you from seeing once-in-a-lifetime surprises. so if it’ll come, it’ll come – mao na na akong motto karon.

thanks for the people who became part of my 19 years of existence. in whatever way, you made this life worth living.

and of course, to the one who created me, thank you for not being shocked of my weaknesses and for loving me unconditionally.  i love you Lord.

– darksphere