One of those days?

Is it one of those days again? Crap. I badly want to cry right now. I think I’m having those depressed/senti/emo moments again. As June ends, a new administration begins in the Philippines but as I looked back on what I did the whole month, the things I accomplished and did not, I realized I just wasted almost half of the month staying at home doing nothing and going out eating fast food and wasting money. T_T Another thing is my internet life (lol). I think my files, my accounts, are so cluttered, even my twitter feeds.. I have too many blog accounts, too many people I’m following, that I want to close them all and start a new account again. Oh God.. eotteoke?? Is it just one of those days? Or do I really need to de-clutter my online world now?

Maybe it’s time for some organizing and planning.. The next month, I should be productive. I want to have a job, or learn something new, a new hobby.. I want to be busy. And I want to have a clearer plan for my future already.. And by future, I mean the next 2 years.. I want to plan and make those plans come true.. *sigh* I don’t know if I’m just bored today, or if it’s just this crazy self-pity about me being an out-of-school youth this year.. But I badly need some positive changes in my life now.. I don’t to continue being a couch potato for the rest of the year.. I want to be productive.. T_T I need to look for ways to be productive..

Happy Father’s Day Tatay!

“I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger.”

– The Best Day by Taylor Swift

My father’s phone call woke me up today. It’s just so nice to hear his voice. But because I was still so sleepy, I forgot to greet him a Happy Father’s Day. I’m so sorry Tatay and Happy Father’s Day.

I was browsing through the status updates in Facebook and saw a lot of father’s day greetings. Then I realized a lot of people I know didn’t grow up with their father by their side. It must be very hard for them. I couldn’t imagine growing up without him.

I’m so thankful that I have the best dad in the world. Many people misunderstand him, including me sometimes, but I know he’s always thinking of what’s good for me and my sisters. I know he loves me so much. I have failed him so many times but he’s still on my side, guiding me. I lived half of my life without him by my side physically. It was very hard too. It’s still isn’t easy even today. But as what mom and he used to say, it’s for me and my sisters. I think of all the boys in my life, he’s the only one I could really trust. They say I resemble him a lot. My mom and my eldest sister says I even got much of his attitude. I used to be very close to him before he left to work abroad but after a few years a lot of things have changed and sometimes it makes me sad that we’re not as close anymore. I hope he’ll come home and just stay here for good. I want to make up for the years we didn’t spend together. I have always been asking him about that but he says it’s not yet time. Well, that’s true, my sisters are still studying and we still couldn’t manage if he’s gonna stop working now. Sometimes I really hate the fact that we can’t be together because of money. But I know it’s useless – all the blaming. Because here we are, we survived all the storms so far including the 1 decade of living away from each other.

So tatay, I have a lot of unsent letters for you. I’m so sorry I never had the guts to give it. But I hope you’ll get to read this, I love you so much and thank you for everything. Thank you for taking care of me, my sisters, and nanay, and thank you so much for putting up with me despite all my failures. And thank you for being so brave in facing life without mama just for me and my sisters.

I Conquered CCNA

June 8, 2010. I finally passed the CCNA exam.

It’s one of the greatest days of my life. The night before the exam I couldn’t sleep well because of fear that I might fail and just disappoint a lot of people again. On the other side of my head, I’ve been cheering myself up and saying I must pass it because it’s for my future, it’s for my dreams, it’s for my parents so they will be proud of me, and it’s for the people who never believed that I can make it, so I can prove to them they’re wrong. The morning came and I guess I was so excited that I arrived in the testing center earlier than expected. My schedule was still 2pm in the afternoon. But that day seemed to be full of flaws – on the bus ride, we had a lot of stops plus road constructions caused traffic, and when we arrived in the testing center, we were surprised that the first batch of CCNA takers for the day were not yet done taking the exam when in fact it was already almost 11am and it’s supposed to be time for the 2nd batch. Yes, I’m such a paranoid that maybe it’s a sign that everything will turn out bad for me. But I did my best to stop being nega. So the waiting game started. Then I found out I was going to be the last one to take the exam. I hated that feeling that I’m surrounded by people who were already done with their exams and are already CCNAs. Can you just imagine the pressure that was on me that time? I don’t want to disappoint everyone and it will be too painful for me to go home and be the only one who didn’t pass the exam that day. I texted my bestfriends and lucky me, they were really supportive and they are so good in cheering me up. Haha! Then my time came, the testing room did not look like how I expected it to be (actually the whole testing center was not how I imagined it to be). But it’s all good. I took the exam and I didn’t notice that I’m already on the 33rd item(there are only 50 items in the CCNA exam). And hey, there’s no ‘previous’ button to review my answer and thinking of how careless I am, I regretted answering so fast. But I’m thankful I answered all the questions but the last confidently. Tsk! I knew I’m gonna get stuck with VTP! Because I didn’t study that last set of notes that were given to us.. lol. Then after I pressed the last ‘next’ button of the exam, I was looking for a congratulations but I only saw my score. I passed. I couldn’t believe it. I did not know how to feel or say the moment I saw my score. Then the score sheet was printed and I saw the PASS sign. It was such a great feeling. I somehow wanted to get a perfect score though. I wanted to break a record and make our instructor happier but I didn’t. But what’s really important is that I passed! And it felt really great!

I’m so glad that all the hardwork on the reviews paid off. Aside from that, I’m so happy that the money my dad invested didn’t go to waste. And the best thing about it, I’m somehow secured of getting a good job after graduation. God is so good. He answered all of my prayers for that day. It was all because of Him that I conquered CCNA. It feels so good to write my name with CCNA in the end. Chaerin Kim , CCNA. lol. but of course that’s not my name. Haha!

Next stop was SM CDO. Thanks for the free ride, Sir! ^_^ I missed SM. haha! Last year, when I had my OJT, we went to SM CDO almost everyday since the company I had my internship on was just a few steps away from SM. Everything I saw the moment I entered SM reminded me so much of last year and my whole OJT experience. I miss my OJT-mates so much! And I felt so good that one year after our training at Concentrix, there I was already a CCNA. Just last year, we were doing inventory of the Training Dept’s Linksys devices, and listening to our trainers on the special lecture they gave us on the last few days of our OJT. And now, I already passed CCNA. My first step to more Cisco Certifications. :]

Then we met my friend’s brother and how lucky of us, we received Prince of Persia movie treat as congratulatory gift! Hahaha! Thank you Kuya! :] The movie was so good. And Jake Gyllenhaal was soooo sooo hot. Hahhaha!

On the bus ride home, I couldn’t take off my smile. It was such a happy day. And I really enjoyed malling with my 2 favorite girls who also passed the exam. :] I immediately texted my bestfriends and shared the good news and thanked them for their prayers. Thinking of how nervous I was a few days before the exam, I wanted to cry because of happiness and relief that it’s finally over. I finally passed.

CCNA is just my first step. After this, I want to take up CCNA Security(yup, ambisyon lagi nako mahimong secret agent nga IT expert, kay na inspire ko sa IRIS nga salida :P), then take CCDA, and hopefully CCNP. Phew. I still have a long long way to go but I’ll do my best. And everything is in God’s hands. As to where this first certification will take me, I’ll just let the tides decide. Let’s see. :]

I’m really really thankful that I finally found my happy place in IT. Thank you, Big Guy for showing me that this course is still meant for me even though I have always hated it.

To my family, I’m so thankful for all the support. Shouts out to my sisters who always cheers me on and my best friends who always believe in me.

To my mentors, my trainers, my instructors, thank you very much for being an inspiration not only to me but to all the people you impart your knowledge to. Your job is one of the best job in the world because rare are the teachers who actually teach to inspire and not just merely teach. Sir Pami, thank you! 🙂

To all my fellow new CCNA passers, congratulations to us and let’s keep on learning and aim for CCIE. (lol, CCIE.. it’s too far I know but they said if you dream, dream big right? :] )

Today, 4 days have passed, and I’m still in cloud nine.

Thank you God for helping me pass one of the most important tests of my life. :]

I’m still on the associate level but this is the best thing I have achieved and the first in my IT career, so thank you guys for being a part of it.

Ellen Mae A. Lacandula , CCNA

darksphere