Wonder Girls’ Mianhan Maeum (A Sorry Heart) still brings pain to my heart whenever I hear it.. This song perfectly describes how I feel towards someone a few months ago. Maybe until now.. Whenever I remember him, I still feel sad about what happened. I hope he’s happy now and I hope he finds that special girl soon. He’s such a precious soul and I didn’t want to let him go but I just know it’s not gonna work. He gave me the attention I want and all the understanding I needed and I am super thankful for that but I can’t be selfish. I don’t love him. I can’t give him the kind of love he deserves. Haven’t talked to him for months now.. I wish I can bring back the wonderful friendship we had.. Maybe someday.

To you, I’m sorry for everything and I’m sorry for not telling you I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.

I want to share this diary entry/blog post supposed to be.. haha! I wrote this one night when I was trying my best to sleep and discard all the thoughts that are haunting me, the time when I was at war with myself because I didn’t know if the decision I was supposed to make is right. (September 2010)

You messed up. You kept reminding yourself from the start that this shouldn’t be taken seriously. At one point, weak as you are, you fell and you were flattered. Then you got back to your senses and realized it wasn’t real. You realized that it’s just one of those ‘awww-he-likes-me-what-if-he’s-the-one’ episodes. Maybe it’s your insecurities. You felt amazed that someone actually could overlook your flaws. But no. The truth remains that you’re too complex to be fully understood by someone like him. And that he’s not the one. Then you begin living again knowing that truth and you moved on. But it was not that easy for him because maybe for him it looked like you lead him on. You explained and things got shaky. The friendship where you started from is at risk. You’re so afraid that what happened in the past is starting to happen again. So you cut it off and ended it. Were you too picky? Did you misread the signs? Or this is what you get after being too cautious and over analyzing things? The truth today is, nothing’s ever gonna be the same again. And though it’s not the romantic attachment you thought at first, you got attached. And you, my dear self, failed.

Awwww. If ever the one I’m referring to in this post is you, reader, hahaha! Please know that I’m not trying to make an issue about the past here or anything.. It’s just me being me.. Putting into writing everything I feel because I don’t know if the people I’ll tell it to personally can understand them.. You can just ignore this and live your life. It’s just me being nostalgic. It’ll pass a few minutes or hours later I know.. BUT.. I really hope he won’t see this.. haha!