special treatment

It’s already 1 am and Gabe’s songs are still playing on Youtube. I can’t sleep. I hate having colds. I would rather have fever than have colds. Today I fixed our desktop computer. It’s been bugging us for days now but I only spared some time for him this afternoon. I knew he only needed cleaning so “operated” him again. But I have this allergy that just surfaced now as in this year(after 19 years of my existence). I’m now allergic to dust, strong perfumes, and the smell of soaps. What a terrible life. I now hate cleaning and tinkling computers and its parts because of this. And I hate hate hate the soap section of the grocery.

Phew. I didn’t hate being sick when I was younger. Before, I thought I’m lucky when I get sick because I don’t get to help in household chores, parents wont let me run errands, and I don’t get scolded when I tease my sisters. hahaha! And, my favorite part of the special treatment, is when they ask me, “What do you want? We’ll buy it.” hahaha! Then of course I ask for my favorite fruits and other food that I love. (Why didn’t I ask for toys?? shtupid. or did i?) I guess it’s a bribe for the very all the more sickening antibiotics and Calpol. You get to sleep in your parents room too. It feels so secure there.

But when you get old, it’s hard to get sick. Not only that it’ll affect your studies or work but it’s sad to get sick when you get old. No more special treatments, you get advice to take your medicines and when you ask they’ll prepare you lemon juice. But that’s it. It’s sad to get sick when you’re not a baby anymore. A warm blanket is the only special treatment you get. But it’s okay when you know that it’s your mom’s blanket. It’s okay if the song on background is you dad’s favorite tracks. Feels like the old times. Only now you’re alone.

So from Gabe’s Chasing Pavements cover, I have finished downloading Adele’s album and Make You Feel My Love is playing now. My nose is a bit cleared and better. Gotta go to sleep and hope tomorrow no more sick feeling for me.

ps. i still tease my sisters though. hahaha! one thing that didn’t change. i still enjoy making fun of them. whether i’m sick or not. hhahaha!

happy december!

It’s this time of the year again! My second favorite time of the year(next to summer) is Christmas.

I just love waking up on cold mornings. But sometimes because of the cool morning air, I tend to curl up back to sleep then run late in my classes. Other than the cold mornings, I’m excited for Christmas because of the break, the food, and the gift-giving.

Philippines is probably the only country I know that celebrate Christmas the longest. Most of the people start decorating their houses in September and take down the decorations in the second week of February. For our house, we put up our Christmas tree last week after the Halloween. Last year, our theme was blue and silver but this year we sticked to the red-green-blue theme and added a little gold and silver accent. We also had more Christmas lights this year so I really feel happy looking at the tree and the decorations at night.

Christmas break also means that my friends who are not studying in Iligan are coming home, and of course, the annual school alumni homecoming. Last year, I was not able to attend but this year, I will definitely go because I already miss hanging out with my highschool buddies.

Oh I forgot about the Christmas shopping! It’s one of the reasons why I love Christmas too. Christmas means lots of sales in the malls! Even though it will be crowded during Christmas sales, I enjoy seeing people on the rush to find something to give to their families, friends, and godchildren. I think the crowd and the long lines at the cashier complements the Christmas songs playing at the malls and the Christmas decorations that can be seen everywhere.

It’s really Christmas in just a few days. But I’m not as excited as last year.. Because despite the happiness I feel in the air, it’s still feels lonely deep inside because my family won’t be complete.

Just like all the Christmases my family had for the past 9 years, my parents will not be with us. So it will only be me and my 2 sisters who will celebrate Christmas again. It’s lonely even though we have been already used to it. I hope next year my dad will come home for Christmas. For now, we need to endure spending Christmas on our own. I hope next year he’ll come home and I’ll definitely do my best to cook a very tasty Hamonada. hahaha! (coz actually, last year, i failed. hahaha!)

that's me and my sisters with our cute christmas tree. this was taken on the new year's eve of 2009

For the Philippines, I know a lot may not have a grand celebration this Christmas because this year have been very tough a year for us. The loss of an ex-president, the typhoons, the economic crisis(which is happening all over the world), and the Maguindanao Massacre(which I am going to talk about in my next post) really put the Filipino people to the test. But Filipinos are happy and hopeful people, we are known to be very positive even after the troubles so I believe, even though our Noche Buena will not be as grand as last year, the true meaning of Christmas will prevail in the hearts of the Filipino people.

our Christmas tree for this year

advance merry christmas everyone!

– darksphere

It’s Been One Year

Well, i’m weeks late. haha. I just noticed yesterday that this blog is already One Year Old. weee! and i also noticed that i only missed a post for July.. the rest of the months, i wrote 1 or 2 posts. I’m happy that somehow i got consistent and made this blog alive. hahaha!

i don’t know if there are people who read this except me and my friends maybe(rarely.. when i link them here siguro. hahaha!).  but it doesn’t really matter to me because i decided to put up this blog for me to practice writing and as an outlet for the emotional and sentimental soul in me.

as i browse through the archives i realized i always wrote lengthy blog posts. hahaha! and 95 percent of them are really sentimental. haha

soo..now i’m running out of words and thoughts about what to write anymore..  i’m just glad and proud that this blog is already one year old. ^___^

i hope i can write more happy posts and more about life and travel.. next year, i’ll be graduating(hopefully..) so i hope i can start travelling and exploring beautiful places and share my beautiful memories here..

and i hope, i can bring more life to this blog.. hahaha! since i noticed that because of the lengthy posts, my page looks boring..

i also hope i can write more in my “about me” section..

hmmm.. what else…?

as of now, i’m focused on writing more posts in my other blog because i want to make profit out of it. hahaha! so drop by if you want to..

well, if there is anyone who follows this blog, thank you! ^^ and to my blogger friends who shared some comments and their thoughts with me through this blog for the past year, thank you. hahaha!

and to you who is reading this right now, thank you! whatever brought you here, thank you. ^_____^

happy birthday to my blog! 🙂

 

– darksphere

a friend, a lover, a travelmate..

I miss being in love. I miss smiling for a cute gesture. I miss daydreaming. I miss singing lovesongs while cleaning my room.

Being in love is one of the nicest feelings in the world. When you feel it, you think there’s no tomorrow. When you’re in love you spend a lot of time being unproductive at work or at school but it’s not a big deal for you because no matter how bad your day is, it will always end up great because of him. You mess up at work or school but just a simple smile would take all the frustrations away.

Being in love, for me, is like sitting in the beach, enjoying the beauty of the sunset. Just staring at the beautiful colors of the sky, feeling the wind, listening to the music of the waves, sipping a glass of wine, forgetting about the rest of the world and its problems – you smile like you’ve never been in pain, you’re in love.

Isn’t it great? You wake up in the morning knowing that your day will always end right despite the troubles that might come and distract you.

Being in love, is like travelling – riding a bus, looking forward to your destination, feeling the wind of the new place, being excited of what’s to come, not fearing of getting lost, not caring about how long the ride may take, just enjoying the company of the wind, your map, and your dreams.

Love, for me, is the ride of your lifetime, the travel destination of your dreams.

At first, you imagine it, you research about it, you get excited about getting there, you are motivated to go there, you work hard to get there. Then, you achieve it, you get there, you enjoy it, you do whatever you can not to lose your dream. Sometimes, you will need to go home. But you will long for it again, and you go back – you go back to the place you have dreamed of and have become your happiness, your dream come true.

It’s a lot like friendship too, love.

You need a friend to have friendship, someone to experience loving, and a travelmate to enjoy the ride. I want my next love to be a friend, a lover, and a travelmate.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. so cheezy. i’m in love but to no particular person. i just miss being in love.. i still have a lot to learn.. i don’t know if i’m ready. but i think i’m willing to try.. experience dictates that i should not rush things again.. now, friendship is the best that i can give and am willing to receive..

It’s Depressing

There’s not much going on these days, lots of suspensions of classes, lots of lazy days for me, and lots of food trips. We also have lots of school requirements to pass but I haven’t started doing one – lazy days, lazy days.. When will I ever stop cramming? It’s already rooted in my system ever since highschool. I can’t generate good ideas anymore unless it’s the eleventh hour. Just as what my teacher once said, “deadlines make miracles.” I know I should change this. I hate being almost-late but I like the rush of beautiful ideas during deadlines. hahaha!

Kpop scene is depressing. Jaebum left for Seattle last last week leaving 2PM without a leader and one member less. That’s not 2PM anymore right? Sigh. I’m actually upset with Korean netizens for making such a big issue about those MySpace comments. I mean if I were a Korean, I’d also be mad about that but considering that those comments were written years ago, and after reading Jaebum’s explanation, I’d forgive him. I understand what he was going through that time enduring a very stressful training away from home without even an assurance that all his hard work will pay off. Also, even though he’s Korean, he was basically new to Korea that time and found it hard to adjust to a culture so different from American culture where he grew up. I just think that Koreans were really really unfair to him. 2PM activities were also postponed and appearances of other members in shows(regular shows and guestings alike) were called off. Well, he voluntarily left the group and abandoned his position so I’ll respect that. He needs time to be away and reflect too. On the other hand, the controversy involving TVXQ and SM Entertainment also worries me. I don’t want TVXQ to separate. They’re the best Korean boyband I know in terms of singing abilities. And after so many years of being together and so many albums they released, it would be really hurtful for fans like me to see them break up. I’m not saying they are on the verge of breaking up but logically, if the two parties cannot have an agreement that will settle the issue about TVXQ’s “slave contract” with SM, I don’t think it’s possible that Changmin and Yunho will stay at SM and Micky, Xiah and Jaejoong will leave SM and they’ll still be TVXQ! There are even rumors that their upcoming performance might be their last performance together as TVXQ. Oh no. I pray that it won’t happen or they will break millions of hearts of the biggest fan club in the world.

Well, enough of being a fan girl, last week, I said a lot of hurtful things to someone. I hoped he’d understand but I he didn’t. I am trying my best not to regret those words even though it’s so hard. It’s been a long and difficult battle doings things you know you’re not happy with and trying to be the best in a field I don’t really like just to please people. I messed up a lot of times. I always mess up but I’m so tired of wondering if I’d still mess up this big had I taken the road my heart wants to follow. I know I hurt him but I’ve been hurting too. I’m just so tired and so fed up with all these frustrations. Now, I am on reflection slash soul-searching mode. hehe. And I hope I’ll get through this soon. I know I can. These trials will just pass. I’m thankful I have good friends who never leaves my side and never tires to listen and advice me.

Sigh. Such an emo post I have there. I’m depressed so bear with me. I’ll be okay soon.

of love and the one

do you believe in destiny? do you believe that someday, somewhere, there’s someone that you are meant to be with for the rest of your life if not forever? these are the questions i often ask those people around me. some said yes, some said destiny is a lie. i often ask myself these questions too. and i’ve always been consistent.. so far. haha! but i wasn’t consistent on the reasons.. on my reactions..

there’s this one show i watched today, it’s a series actually, and i’m following it, it’s about two souls that met during their childhood days and got separated by circumstances [maybe fate]. and met again, they didn’t know that they’ve already met.. they don’t recognize each other anymore. but they’re still waiting for each other, believing that he is the “one” for her and she’s the “one” for him. hmmm.. i just got reminded of how i see matters like that a few weeks back..

what’s the story? i wouldn’t dig into the details. but let’s just say there’s someone that all these years i’ve been considering as “the one” for me. a childish love but i took seriously. a lesson to be learned, but i dwelt at too much. too much that even though i was doing fine, i know the world continued living and there’s one part of me that stopped and was stranded. it was unhealthy. i thought it was the right thing to do because i believe in destiny, in fate, and i believe that everything i was doing with him in mind will eventually lead us back to where we are destined to be. [or what i believed we were destined to be.] hmmm.. in each other’s arms? haha! silly, but yes, that’s what i imagined it to be. that all of these are just tests, and just streets we need to walk through, that in the end, it’s still gonna be us. of all the things that i don’t have confidence in doing, that belief was one of the few ones i was sure of. i continued of living, i moved on, i didn’t feed my broken heart. because deep down in me, was that strong inspiration.

then out of nowhere, in the midst of all the crowd dancing, alcohol pouring, and smoke in the air, i ended up crying and saying his name. that’s when i realized that even though i was okay, i wasn’t in pain, i was hopeful and happily waiting for him, but i was putting myself into a prison that i myself made. a prison built by lies. because i just didn’t want to accept that that’s the end of my story. because i still believed in fairy tales, in Korean love stories, that  i thought i despised. i kept on thinking, why and how it happened, and i found out why – why i am still living in despair, even though i’m so good in hiding it. but i didn’t find out how it happened, and i think it’s going to be harder if i bother tracing.

so from then on, i decided to accept it, that that’s really how it ends and that you should not wait for people, for circumstances, and for time, to put and end to your story. your death or you loved ones death should determine the end of your story. because not all stories end when death comes, and some continue after death, some end before it. why death? because, i thought my life is the also the lifeline of my story. i didn’t understand that my life is my time, and throughout my time, i make my stories, lots of stories – thousands of starts and endings..and it took me a while to realize that. but it was worth it.

some stories may end up happy, some stories don’t. that’s a fact.

i still believe in destiny. i still believe in “the one.” but the difference now is that my story featuring him as “the one” have ended. and it was a happy ending.

i still believe in destiny. i still believe in “the one.” and i’m still open to the possibility the he might still come into my life again. our story has ended. but my life is my time, another story can start.

one really must know when to let go – when to end a story, flip a page, and start again.

so for that drama that i’ve been following, i can’t say that they’re wrong or right because it’s a drama, a show. there are things that only happen in dramas. but if it happens in someone’s life, let’s just say… that’s their story. that’s where choice meets destiny. that’s how they chose their story to be.

i still believe in destiny. i still believe in “the one.”

– darksphere

my current kpop playlist..

Invisible Person (투명인간) – Son Dam Bi

>> this one of my favorite Kpop songs. will never be erased from my playlist.

Nothing Better – Jong Yup (Brown Eyed Soul)

>> it was sung by JongHyun of  SHINee, Seulong of 2AM, and Nichkhun of 2PM. But the original version of Jong Yup is the best. I love the piano background.

Love is all lie (사랑..다 거짓말) – Lyn

>> this one will also be in my playlist forever. hehe. i love Lyn’s voice and the lyrics.

A Goose’s Dream – Insooni

>> my life’s current theme song. Enough said.

Don’t Go, Don’t Go – Brown Eyes

>>one of the best Korean Ballads i’ve heard.

I Have a Lover  (애인 있어요) – Lee Eun Mi

>>Great voice, great song, plus, the lyrics

Eotteokkhajyo  – Jisun

>> It’s from Boys Over Flowers OST Volume 2.

I Know – Someday

>>Another favorite from Boys Over Flowers OST Volume 1.

talk about rain, and pillows, and being alone. hahahaha! yes, i love ballads. perfect for relaxation. just don’t dig through those heartaches and enjoy the music. (haha if you can do that.)

a life update..

i miss writing. i think i got so busy and consumed with the the happiness of me getting over the “emo” stage as they say. but well, here i am again, writing, a little sad, and been thinking about a lot of things.

we just finished our mini-magazine and passed it on the eleventh hour. i’m so proud of it. i’ve never been this proud of my work. well, it’s not really my work. we’re in a group and i did some of the articles. i love writing and i’m just so happy of how well it turned out. i think i’m gonna contribute articles in some magazines someday. probably one of the things i’d try before i die. hehe.

hmmm.. what’s up? i still can’t believe i’m on my fourth year in college now. i have a lot of fears, because i don’t have much faith in myself that i can make it. yes, say it, i always put myself down. but that’s true, i won’t argue. it’s just that even though i already love IT, i know that i’m just studying for the sake of studying. this is not what i really do. i keep telling myself that i just need to endure this but i guess i need to find a way to enjoy what i have now. it’s not what i want, it’s not great, but life isn’t long and the more i hate this, the longer i have to wait for what i think would really make me happy and the more difficult it’s gonna be.

how can i get to that mountain if i skip some parts of the map right?

these days, i feel that i am free. for the first time i feel that i’m not bounded by responsibilities of all sorts. why? because i chose to forget about all those things that put me in a box me for a while – just a couple of weeks.. until now i’m still not used to it.. the feeling that no thought, no responsibilities control me. haha! i know i need to wake up from this soon. i can’t decide if it’s a nightmare or a good dream. but i know i’ll definitely learn something from this. i gotta try and do the things that i want to do. and i’m starting now but i know myself and i need to keep grounded.

i keep getting impatient about getting my dreams in my hands.. not thinking that the journey to that dream is the one that matters most. buti nalang i got back to my senses now. haha. i know it’ll happen because i’m gonna make it happen no matter what people around me say. but i have to wait.. i have to wait..

here’s a song that brought me to tears when i heard it.. it’s my life’s theme song now. hehe!

A Goose’s Dream – Insooni
Translation by x3Yesung of Soompi

I have a dream,
Even if I’m thrown away or ripped to shreds
Deep in my heart
I have a dream as precious as gem

If by chance, without a reason,
Somebody ridicules me behind my back
I should be patient
I would wait just for that day.

As you always worry,
You say that foolish dreams are poisonous.
Just like a book that tells us about the end of the world
There’s the reality that we can’t turn back already

Yes I have a dream.
I believe in that dream
Please watch over me
Standing in front of that cold wall called fate
I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall
And be able to fly
As high as the sky
This heavy thing called life can’t tie me down
At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let’s be together

Yes I have a dream.
I believe in that dream
Please watch over me
Standing in front of that cold wall called fate
I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall
And be able to fly
As high as the sky
This heavy thing called life can’t tie me down
At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let’s be together

Yes I, I have a dream
I believe in that dream.
Please watch over me
Standing in front of that cold wall called fate.
I can firmly face it

One day I will pass over that wall
And be able to fly
As high as the sky
This heavy thing called life can’t tie me down
At the end of my life, on the other day that I can smile, let’s be together

Korean Lyrics

거위의 꿈
인순이

난 난 꿈이 있었죠
버려지고 찢겨 남루하여도
내 가슴 깊숙히 보물과 같이
간직했던 꿈
혹 때론 누군가가
뜻 모를 비웃음
내 등뒤에 흘릴때도
난 참아야 했죠 참을수 있었죠
그 날을 위해
늘 걱정하듯 말하죠
헛된 꿈은 독이라고
세상은 끝이 정해진 책처럼
이미 돌이킬수 없는
현실이라고
그래요 난 난 꿈이 있어요
그 꿈을 믿어요 나를 지켜봐요
저 차갑게 서 있는
운명이란 벽앞에
당당히 마주칠 수 있어요
언젠가 난 그벽을 넘고서
저 하늘을 높이 날을수 있어요
이 무거운 세상도
나를 묶을순 없죠
내 삶의 끝에서
나 웃을 그날을 함께해요
그 꿈을 믿어요
나를 지켜봐요

I’ll continue dreaming.. i may fail at some point but i’ll protect that dream. i’ll make it come true. i know God is there to help me.

– darksphere

i’m still that girl.. but i’m trying to be better.

i welcomed the changes though i did not anticipate them. i believe majority of those are for the better. i’m really thankful. i think i evolved into a new person. i feel renewed. i didn’t know but it was all that i needed. rest, some clamors, a little amount of tears and sorrow, and the people and events who shaped my summer. i’m really thankful. the uber-emo person in me has temporarily subsided. i hope she’ll be gone for good. i wish. haha

but some things remain the same. some bad habits take a while to unlearn. and nobody knows when i will be able to get rid of them.

i’m still the klutzy and lazy fangirl who cleans her room to relieve depression whenever ice cream’s unavailable but a bit wiser now.

i’m still afraid of the future but i have a better vision now. at least as of the moment. lol

i miss the Big Guy of my life. i know i’ve really been drifting far from you as every day passes. i’m sad because of that. i still can’t do it alone. i still and will always need you.

-darksphere

extended vacation, ah1n1, movies.. lazy days.. ;)

our classes was supposed to start on the 4th of June but it was moved to June 15 because of CHEd’s announcement because of the on-going fear of the AH1N1 virus. i guess even our school’s alarmed by the virus because there are ah1n1 facts posted in our website. well, that’s good. everybody needs to be informed for prevention.

of course, students are really happy of the announcement because we’ll have one week extension of our summer vacation. more time to be a couch potato, have movie marathons, and pig-out.

i watched seven movies already. most of them Korean. and my favorites are Speed Scandal, Romantic Island, and Frozen Flower. well i watched some of them twice or thrice. especially Speed Scandal. we also watched Fast and Furious 4 just to look for the car chase where a DBSK song was played. haha turned out it was not a car chase but just a chase. hahaha.

i think i got fatter now. blame it to my friends who come over and watch movies with me ’cause we always have food and there’s nothing to do but eat and eat while having our eyes on the movies.

i’ve been blogging too. i updated my other blog and i’m working on how to monetize it. it was okay at first but sometimes i get lazy. haha. and since there’s nothing to do, i am once again an addict netizen. lol. although i’m not that addicted anymore. thanks to my one-month hiatus for OJT.

speaking of OJT, i still haven’t received my compensation. it’s not that high but okay to finance my out-of-town plan but then… i decided to buy a Super Junior CD. hahaha. i’ve always wanted to buy an original CD for my collection (even just one CD is enough) and of course to support my favorite artist but i have no money especially that i still have to pay for the shipping. the first original album i had wat Westlife’s Coast to Coast Cassette Tape. haha. i was still grade 5 then. the second original album was the Boys Over Flowers OST that i won in a raffle. 🙂 and i want my own Super Junior CD Version 3 for myself. aside from the cd and inlay, it also includes a photodiary of Super Junior and the girl i’m buying if from also sells a poster so i’ll also buy one. all in all, it’ll cost me JUST my full OJT allowance. hahaha! but i definitely won’t regret it. [ihope!xD] i hope the compensation would arrive just in time when my order arrives because i’m really afraid that i might spend it on clothes or worse, food. hahahaha.

just this afternoon, i spotted Shrek 3 in HBO while i was going through the channels of the cable. it was just about to start and my sisters joined me in watching. since school got hectic, i never had the chance to catch up on the good movies of 2007 and 2008. yes. poor me. well, just like the other shrek movies, i liked it. i love stories that have moral lessons. i realized tomorrow’s gonna be the weekend and after that we’ll go back to school already. sigh. i still don’t want to go to school. i love the lazy days. hehe. i’m so trying-hard to be excited about the new semester. new challenges to face..

– darksphere