Mai 2008 in Review

here are the highlights of my 2008. [the ones i can remember. haha]

Mollusca (January 2008)

Mollusca (January 2008)

Sisters (April 2008)

Look-alikes? haha. father and daughter (April 2008)

Sisters (can’t remember when was this taken)

Sisters (April 2008)

Sisters (April 2008)

Mollusca (November 2008)

January

• fieldtrip for Biology[minor subj]. Destination? Duka Bay Resort, Opol Aviary and.. Cagayan de Oro’s Whitewater Rafting. the best fieldtrip for me. ever. we all agree that what we had was not a field trip but an OUTING! lol

February

• 18th birthday. no celebration. i’m of legal age now! [but i can't feel it. haha]

March, April, May

• end of 07-08 2nd Semester [the semester that i enjoyed most ^_^; bye bye 2nd year]
• dad’s yearly vacation to the Philippines
• a laptop for me! thanks tatay! ^^,
• Summer Classes [finally done with all my minors]
• fell in love with Super Junior and Kpop
• movie marathons @@
• internet connection for me.. weeee!
• started learning how to write, read and understand Korean.

June

• start of my 3rd Year in BSIT [CSc 181(Software Engineering): welcome to hell, mai. lol]
• discovered what I really want to take up for college[history and political science]. yep. too late. haha.

July

• 1st “trip” to the Regional Trial Court [FYI, i'm not the accused. lol ^_^]
• loved CSc 151(Database Systems). [yep. i loved it. bahalag permi memorize. ]

August

• Iligan [that includes ME!!] got really disturbed with the Moro Islamic Liberation Front – Government of the Republic of the Philippines Memorandum of Agreement on Ancestral Domain (MILF-GRP MOA on Ancestral Domain)
• Iligan Bombings (3 hotels)
• MILF attacks in Lanao del Norte [which Iligan is part of, thank God they did not reach Iligan City. but I condole with the many people who lost their loved-ones, homes and means of living]
• received an apology from someone [granted. lol]

September

• start of the series of overnights for the completion of our project in CSc 181
• Iligan City Fiesta [was not as "bibo" as the past years']
• my first Octupus Ride! haha!

October

• still lots of overnights for CSc 181
• school stuffs was really hellish!
• birth of this blog! ^^,

November

• more overnights for school stuffs esp CSc 181 [this month is the most hellish of them all. haha]
• but.. finally.. WE PASSED! wooot!
• had the shortest Sembreak ever. haha. because of my INC in 181.
• Start of 08-09 2nd Semester [babye 1st sem, hello to more challenges ^_^]

December

• Iligan Bombings [again] (2 Department Stores and there were more bombs discovered and detonated the following days after)
• Worst Christmas ever [most unsafe month for Iligan, and loneliest Christmas for me]

some notable [positive]changes:

• myself  – i’ve finally let go of some bad habits; i passed 181 the “initiation” of BSIT; i have a laptop!; i started learning Hangul! ^-^
• family – lots of ups and downs this year but we’re still going strong. [lol murag uyab. haha] there’s more to come, i know but i’ll be positive about it.
• sister (special mention) – we became closer this year and i’m so happy about it! love you guys!
• friends – bonded a lot with my college best friends this year. weeee. thanks girls. there’s never a dull moment when i’m with you.
• school – i passed CSc 181! i’m on my 3rd year now!! 1 more year to the finish line! woooohooo! aja aja fighting!

wow. now that’s a great roller coaster ride! that’s it. in a few hours, we’ll be waving goodbye to 2008 and saying hello to 2009. there were a lot of pains this year, but i also received a lot of blessings and love. i had the worst Christmas but even though it’s the greatest time of the year, it’s only 1/12 of the year right? what matters most for me now is how i spent the bigger part of the year. and even though i fell and almost gave up in a lot of struggles, i stood up and i’m happy to say that i got through them. of course thanks to You my best friend, my family, and my friends.

my sisters and i want to welcome the new year with a blast so we promised to really have fun tonight and tomorrow. good luck to us!

my thanks goes out to all who have been part of my 2008. thanks for molding me to the person that i am now, welcoming a new year. to all that i’ve hurt, sorry. to the ones who hurt me, i have forgiven you. i can’t even remember who you fellas are anymore. haha.

let’s welcome the new year with an optimistic heart and mind especially with what’s going on with the world now [the layoffs, financial crisis, inflation, wars, hunger]. have a great year ahead. let’s live, laugh, and love.♥♥♥

happy new year! ♥♥♥

- darksphere

hours before christmas

here i am. i still haven’t found the excitement and anticipation i used to feel in the past Christmases. i prepared food, we had our Christmas shopping yesterday, i listened to Christmas songs.. but still to no effect..i don’t know what’s happening really. i just miss a lot of people. they’re the only ones i know who can make me feel the same feeling i used to have. wth. what should i do? i really have no plans this midnight. maybe i’ll just sleep.. OR.. spend the whole night in front of my computer.. sigh. am i being “the grinch??” ugh.. let’s see what will happen. i’m not closing my doors.. maybe something fun will come my way tonight. a surprise? i don’t know. i hope so. i just.. want to be happy.. do i really need to make efforts to achieve that? can’t it just come up to me? ok.. enough of being emo. enough.

-darksphere

this girl’s Christmas rants

. . . When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

. . .   When you lose something you can’t replace . . .

in less than two weeks it will be Christmas. everybody’s looking forward to it. and here’s a girl who doesn’t even know if she’s going to celebrate the joyous season. she hates Christmas. not because she hates Christ but because Christ didn’t allow her to spend a number of Christmases the way she wants it. she’s selfish. no, she just wants to be happy. everybody does. she hates Christmas because not because she has no money but because she doesn’t have someone to go shopping with, not because she doesn’t have something to eat for Noche Buena but because she has no one to share it with, not because she hates preparing the cake but because no one will need her help in making the frosting, not because she has no gifts but because the gifts she used to eagerly wait to open will never be put under the tree again, not because her tree looks bad but because nobody got mad at her in putting the Christmas ball at the most awkward part of the tree, not because she doesn’t want to wake up at midnight at the sound of the firecrackers but because she knows no one will scold her when she wakes up an hour before midnight because of excitement.. she hates Christmas not because she is alone but because even though she has these special persons surrounding her, she still feels empty. and she hates it because she knows that the emptiness she feels will never be filled again. never again..

its been years and a lot have changed.. the world continued living.. so did she.. she is not bitter. she is not living the remainder of her life in grief.. she became happy. she jumped in excitement.. she fell in love.. yet no one, nothing can ever make true happiness feel the same way – the way she felt way back when she was complete – for her. lots of Christmases has passed.. lots of birthdays.. important events.. ordinary days.. sometimes no matter how you push yourself to move on (or even when you just lift all your grief to Him for comfort), in some parts of your life, it won’t work. there’s always a time when you’ll want to go back to some blissful moments but end up getting hurt and crying because you know you’ll never take it back again. of course. there’s death. how can you ever take them back? all that it left her were memories, unread letters, poems kept, un-showed feelings..

everyone, everything kept her feet on the ground and standing.. all voices kept saying everything’s going to be okay and life must go on.. so easy for them but it was like hell for her.. as if living because of life support.. she got through the first painful parts of moving on – deep sorrow, denial, acceptance.. she got through them.. and even though she was bruised, she held on.. she continued living.. now, she’s on this point in her life.. everything she needs is supplied.. she can’t ask for more.. but still she feels empty.. she can’t ask for more.. because what she wants to ask for will never be given to her.. life. that life she had.. the life she wants back.. people.. the people she loved.. the people she misses.. she can’t ask for more.. because what she really wants to ask for will never be fulfilled in this life, in this place, in this time..

she thought she had every right to be bitter and to blame but she was wrong. cliche as it may sound, this is life. all the Christmases where she felt true happiness will just remain to be memories.. locked in her photo albums, old Christmas decors and her heart.. the heart that will never feel the same Christmas feeling again..